mannnnn. this question is really hard to answer, the only reason being that even i wouldn’t have thought this was possible. yes, i live in the states. yes, he lives in austria. no, i’ve never met him. but you know what? i know what i want. i know that once i got to know him, it wasn’t just his pretty looks and adorable smile that made me love him, it was his personality. yes, cliché as it may be and though i may be naïve to say so since i’ve never really dated before, i can see that is what matters most. 

raphy is like that one thing you always dream about and strive for. some people find happiness in cars, vacations, food, clothes, etc. for a long time while i was in the closet, i believed that was going to be my limit for happiness. how badly did i want a boyfriend, i can’t even express. i see my “normal straight” friends getting into relationships while i was left behind because of the fear that my friends would not be my friends if i did. in some cases, that was the case. but it only shows that those weren’t my friends to begin with. 

at times, i wish i were in austria to comfort raphy when he feels helpless or sad. it really is difficult. i sometimes want to say “SCREW IT, IM OFF TO AUSTRIA!” if only life were that easy. but the slow tortoise’s route is my plan. along the way, i grow to love raphy more and more. he becomes less of that “boyfriend” but rather more of the “one” that i want to be with until the day i die. until that day, i will be doing my best to see that day. i love you, my raphy.