dream. pastel shavings.

from what i’m aware of, marriage isn’t allowed for me in sunny california. i mean.. i was completely fine with it a year ago when i was “straight” but lately, after being struck with love for the first time, i wish it were allowed.. am i asking for too much? before, i wouldn’t dare support gay marriage because even i was plagued with the idea that being gay was bad. it sucks. i didn’t get it. i tried and tried as a kid growing up until now to be that normal boy. i made fun of gay people because all my friends did. it hurt every time knowing that i was only stabbing myself deeper and deeper. i didn’t dare want to embarrass my parents and my brother. sometimes i wished that my family didn’t love me the way that they did because i didn’t deserve it. i felt like i was cheating them. how could i do such a thing to them..

but now, as my family still embraces me despite their previous notions of gay people, i feel more and more inclined to want to commit myself to the one i love. i may or may not see the day that i am happily married, but i can dream right? you can take a lot of things away from a person but not their dreams. chin up.